The Man and the Weapon
by letitRayneforever
Summary: It's been two years since Miranda, everyone seems to be healing up just fine, except for two, River and Jayne. They have the hardest time letting go, bothing feeling that there was something they could of done, or not done. Testing the bonds of friendship and more, how will these two find acceptance in the loss of their friends. Rated M for language and adult themes. Non-beta'd
1. Chapter 1

Rated M or language, and adult situations.

Authors Notes: I never thought I would be writing a Rayne truth be told, but I had this idea come to me once I finally decided to give the couple a chance, and fell head over heels over it. This is my first FireFly fiction, so I am sorry if I don't have the characters down pat.

I own nothing, I am just thankful I can play around in the Firefly world. Joss is the genius who created the amazing world

Also this was not gone over by a Beta, sp any mistakes are my own

* * *

_The black seemed to stretch on for miles, nothing marred the view of the stars, and distant planets. Most would seem to go crazy with being in the dark for so long, however for seasoned flyers, scavengers, and 'petty thieves' it was something which they welcomed. Safety in the black, were one wouldn't have to put on airs, or pretend to be something they weren't, it was a mental release. And for one 'moon-brained' girl, it was a healer. It helped her desecrated mind begin the process of healing, after everything on Miranda, it had begun to take shape, and even repair the damage done by the Academy. However the horrors still plagued her when she slept, the nightmares waking her brother who was in the room next door, her screams echoing throughout the ship, causing everyone to wake up. Just like they did that one night… _

* * *

"Two by two, hands of blue." she seemed to mutter in her sleep, her small body twitching, as she mentally tried to defend herself against past actions. In her mind, it was as if they were happening that instance. Her mind in pain and shock as she screamed out, her arms flailing as if she was trying to beat of something which wasn't even there. Her screams however seemed to seep through the hull of Serenity. The thin metal didn't offer much as in a way to block the sound. The loud sounds of footsteps, all directed to the room in the passenger bay, and the first one there seemed to only be clad in pajama pants. "River?!" he yelled running to her side, as she took her face in his hands, his blue-green eyes wide with worry as he stroked his sister's face. "River, _mèi mei _, it's me Simon." He called to her, trying to gently coax her out of sleep. It was important to not startle her when she was in this state, as her mind was still so fragile. She still seemed to be thrashing around in her sleep as the rest of the crew had flocked towards her room, it had been the third night this week, and they looked exhausted. Simon looked back at them and sighed, gently moving the long dark hair from River's face, "River, you must wake up." he said his hands moving in almost the same way her dream was portraying. Her mind was in turmoil, her body only reacting from the surges of energy and fear going off in her damaged brain. Everything the Alliance had done to her, they had taken a innocent, and turned her into a killing machine, a weapon if you will.

Her eyes snapped open, her body seeming to move on it's own accord out of Simon's reach, screaming as she did so. It was a high scream of pure terror, her eyes seeing nothing but what haunted her sleep. Everyone seemed to watch her with worried for guarded eyes, as she had a habit of being…well moon-brained. She slowly started to looked around, her body still shaking, her dark brown eyes wide with fear, 'Hands of blue.' she muttered slightly. He hands seeming to grip the sheets unnaturally tight. Her hands covering her ears as she settled a ways back on the bed, rocking herself slowly, muttering away in Chinese.

"_Ó, bù, bù huì zài_." Simon sighed as he looked towards the crew, "Another one of her nightmares." he said as he slowly walked to her, "River, calm down, no one is here to hurt you." he said softly, trying to approach her. He needed to get her calmed down, it usually took a smoother which he had on hand in his med kit, but he didn't want to resort to that.

However River had other plans, she kept away from Simon's hands, and comforting embrace. "No No…" she muttered her hands going to her face as she seemed to rock back and forth, "Won't go back there, I won't." she said stubbornly. She glared at Simon, as she was still a reader deep down inside. She could see that he was planning on getting her a smoother, and she didn't want it, she didn't need any gorram medicine. She hated it, it made her mind go black, not being able to think on her own, she felt helpless, her mind was all she had left to call her own space, even if it was fucked up. No one understood it, but even as broken as her mind was, it was the only thing she had to herself, the only place she could retreat to when she needed to.

"Hey lil 'Tross, bad dream?" Mal asked, trying to act like nothing was wrong, which gained him a reproachful look from River. He looked at her, as if to asked a question, but then Simon shook his head, looking at the mechanic, who looked like she had been in the middle of something when River had originally screamed, her hair seemed like a bird's nest, and her lips were swollen, her eyes even still smoldering.

"_Bao bai_," Simon called, directing his voice at Kaylee, "Can you get me my med kit?" he asked her. Kaylee nodded and headed to the infirmary, and soon came back with the case, which had everything he needed, including the smoother which would help her the most. River went to struggle, though Simon's cool hands found her skin before she could get far enough way. "_Mèi mei_, it is for the best, please." he pleaded with her, which was when she finally relented. The needle left a pin prick in her porcelain colored skin, and soon her eyes grew heavy, she swayed a bit until her body landed softly and safely on her bed, causing Simon to sigh, "Women qù nàli. We should be able to sleep now, she will be out until the morning." he told everyone. They all grinned and went in their separate ways, Mal heading to Inara's shuttle to check on her, and Zoë back to her now empty room. Well not completely empty, as she had Henry, a bouncing baby boy with Wash's hair and eyes. Everyone still felt the lost of Wash, as he had always kept the crew laughing, either if it was from his jokes, or someone catching a glimpse of him playing with his Dinos. Zoë had been slowly recovering from the lost of her husband, at times, she could be seen holding one of his old dinos, crying silently. Though seeing Henry growing up as if before their eyes, it helped her, and it seemed he already had a thing for dinosaurs, just like this dad did.

Everything since Miranda had been hard on the crew, they had lost people they had loved during it, and it effected them in more ways, Simon had finally opened up to Kaylee, and Mal had tried to patch things up with Inara over the past two years, who had slowly started to stop taking clients. However the one person who seemed to be clinging onto everything at once…was Jayne. He had been desperately trying to drown out his sorrows for the loss of everything which happened in his usual ways, plenty of whores, and plenty of booze. It had seemed every time they were planet side, he seemed to head towards the nearest whorehouse, for what he called, 'a good sexing'. Most just sighed and said nothing, as they were still mending themselves. They really didn't think that he was using it to try and block out the pain which had been in them all, only that it was normal. The ship seemed to hum as it laid planet side, waiting for the next morning. The Red Light district seemed to be in full swing, that was were the man-ape was at that moment, the nearest brothel, shit-faced drunk, and neck deep in his latest piece of trim.

* * *

Jayne laid back on the sweat soaked sheets, only dim lamplight fell in the room, cast more shadows than not. He had on the grin of a crazy guy, though it was still from the surge of release he ad just felt. Nothing felt better to him than being able to get a hold of a ruttin' piece of ass, and sexing' her senseless. That and the booze kept his mind clouded enough to were it didn't wander, he had had enough of that when he had been on the ship. Damned ghosts were everywhere there. Every time he turned he seemed to see Wash, or Book, staring at him as if trying to tell him something. Every. Single. _Gorram_. Time! He couldn't escape them when he was on the ship, it seemed liked they followed him everywhere, and liked to try and invade his mind. He didn't like it one bit. So he drank, and he sexed everything with tits and a pair of legs. He didn't care, the girls got paid, and he got to get rid of all that sexual tension which would build up while in the black. His body still hummed with pleasure, his breath finally slowing down and his eyes slowly focusing again.

He looked over at the whore who seemed to be looking at him with smoldering green eyes, as if she wanted a second round. She was a fiery red-headed woman, one who could easily smother you with her large rack if ya weren't careful. However he didn't care, that sounded mighty fine right then and there. He gave her a grin, he still had a few hours left with what he paid for this one, and he gave a cocky grin, "Up fer round two darlin'?" he asked, his speech slurred, and his usual cold blue eyes clouded. However it didn't effect his ability in the sack, or lil' Jayne down there one bit. The tramp just rolled her eyes, seeing men use them like this, was sickening. Even though she was paid, she got up and started to get dressed. Still with barely anything covering her, she left the room giving Jayne a backwards glance.

"Th' hell you goin'?! I still got 'em three hours!" he yelled after her, trying to stand up and follow, only to fall right down on his ass, with a loud thud. He groaned a bit, scowling as he grabbed his clothing scattered around the room, pulling it on, taking a few minutes to get everything right. After making sure he had his wallet, and everything he had come with, including the bullets in his sidearm. He grimaced and left the brothel, too drunk to even get the partial refund he had a right to, let that _xiao jiàn rén _keep the damned coin, and hell be it if he went in that whore house again. He stumbled around the back water moon for a while, trying to get into any bars he passed by, though many just turned him away for being as wasted as he already was. He grumbled as he did so the streets seemed to be flooded with people enjoying the nightlife. However they seemed to avoid him, a big drunk guy, that could spell out all sorts of trouble.

The rain started up as he headed back to Serenity, causing his feet to slip around a bit, as he already stumbled. He though made it through somehow and to were the ship was parked, punching in the code to get on, and stumbled up the ramp, only to slam his hand down hard on the control panel, closing the ship up again. He grumbled as he made his way through the cargo bay, hitting quite a number of crates, where a curse every time he did. The sounds seemed to echo through the cargo bay and into the other areas of the ship, though thankfully everyone had already drifted off into sleep. His boots were not much protection from the hard steel of some of the crates, but he didn't really have laces to trip on. It would be hard to explain if he fell and broke his nose while trying to get passed the boxes. He was getting through them kicking some of the things out of his way as he kicked his weight set by accident.

"Gorramit!" he yelled, holding that foot in his hands as he seemed to hop in place for a moment or two. He finally put his foot back down, glaring at the weight before he made his way to the stairs, and climbed them, He grumbled as he finally made it through the cargo bay, and into the passenger area, were the sitting room also was. The smell of medicine, and harsh cleaning chemicals hit his nose, as it always did in this area. The doc was anal about how clean his infirmary was, and how it was organized. Jayne smirked in a drunken manner, he had messed with him so many times after figuring it out. He looked down the corridor, it seemed everyone was sleeping which didn't bother him none.. He didn't have a big welcome home party, without the ghosts of his old friends he was happier than he had been when he went out. He might now actually be able to get some _gorram_ sleep for once in a long time. He didn't know however if he was going to make it to his own damned bunk, let alone get down the ladder for it. Though there was somewhere else he could sleep. He slowly closed the distance to the couch in the seating area, right outside the infirmary, and let his body fall into the soft couch, it felt like heaven on a tired body. In only a matter of minutes was he out like a rock, though he would have one of the worst hangovers in the morning from all that whiskey he had drank. Though for now, it was time for some sleep, hopefully the booze chased away the dreams of all that happened, Book and Wash dying, Reavers, and the doc's sister, slaughtering them. However, the last thing…didn't haunt his dreams as much as it should of.

_Key:_

_Ó, bù, bù huì zài: Oh no Not again_

_Women qù nàli.: There we go_

_Xiao jiàn rén: little slut_

_Gorram/Gorramit: Damn/Dammit_

_Mei mei: little sister_

_Bao bai: Sweetheart _


	2. Chapter 2

_Authors Notes: I want to thank everyone who has read the story so far, it means a lot that it is being read, and I hope you all enjoy it. You see a cute side of Jayne here in this chapter, so I hope you all enjoy it. Thank you to those who have reviewed me, and I would love to get more, to let me know how you all like this story. And long live Rayne _

* * *

Light seemed to find it's way through every little space on board of Serenity when it wanted to, waking up a very grumpy mercenary, who had a pounding headache from way to much whiskey the night before. He grumbled and tried to shield out the harsh light with a throw pillow he slammed over his face, though it worked, it couldn't block out everything. Sound echoed throughout Serenity, causing the metal to ring. Though it caused Jayne to grumble, "People can't seem to know when to keep it down." he snarled, trying to settle back to sleep. Though he could hear loud chatter coming from the galley, and the smells of protein reached his nose. Even though it didn't smell like anything which he would run outta bed too, he had to admit he was a bit hungry, so he slowly sat up, regretting it as he did so. The small room spun, causing him to hold his head in his hands. Why in the hell did he drink so much the night before, he should of known that this would happen…

Laughter rang out from the galley as Mal seemed to finish a old tale, the one from when Kaylee and himself had been at that party, where he had punched Atherton Wing in the face. Though it resulted in the Captain getting the tar kicked out of him for a bit in a sword fight, he told the story with light in his eyes. However his hand drifted towards Inara's who took it in hers. Though nothing like that could escape Kaylee's eyes, and she smiled, happy that it seemed the two of them were. Simon was also sitting near Kaylee, and Zoë was at one end of the table, with little Henry in his highchair, a dinosaur bib around his neck, laughing happily as he squashed a piece of bread in his pudgy little hand.

The seat next to River was empty, as she was slowly eating, she seemed to still be effected by the medicine. Her eyes held a blankness to them, though no one really caught it as they were still in conversation. Her eyes seemed to wander towards the hall which Jayne lumbered through, keeping his eyes down and away from the lights. He sat down heavily in the open chair and pulled his plate towards him, grumbling at the fact that there were no more bread for the morning meal. Only the bland protein.

However he looked away for a moment, chewing a mouthful of food, going for a mug and getting up, getting a hot cup of coffee as the pot was still hot. However when he looked back he noticed something different on his plate. He blinked a few times, until it sunk in, there was now a roll on his plate.

River seemed to be keeping her eyes away from him, as she just played with her food, no one noticing but Jayne, that she didn't even seem to be eating. He slowly went back to his chair, his eyes watching her for any more crazy stuff, as last time he had gotten a slice to the chest, which he had a scar of now on his chest. True it was two years ago, though he had still been on edge, not really trusting that she was slowly getting better like everyone said.

River looked away from the man sitting next to her, the dark hair serving as a curtain between them. She could feel the uneasiness pouring off of him, and the confusion. And in truth, she confused herself, why did she care enough to give him that? Or was it because she always had seemed to steal his at most meals. All he would do is give her a look, faking anger, before going after the basket of bread, getting some more. No one knew it, but ever time she saw it, she would chuckle a bit, lowly, only hearing it herself. However today, there seemed to be a dark cloud not only over herself, but him as well. He seemed in pain, physical and mentally. Something was up, and she didn't even now, and not knowing, worried her.

Breakfast seemed to go by rather fast, the protein wasn't the best, as the doc had been cooking, though the coffee was good, and enough to chase away the blurriness and everything in the mercenary's blue eyes. He sighed, thankful not to finally have a bit of a clear head, and headed towards the cargo bay, for once Mal wasn't on his case about something, so he decided to use that time to wake his body up. He looked down at his weight set, and saw the weights in a mess, and his eyes widened a bit, not even remembering what had happened. He groaned and headed down there, setting up the weight bench. He needed to make sure the space was clean, otherwise he or someone else would get hurt.

He settled himself on the weight bench, starting reps at a slow pace, warming his muscles up slowly, before picking up the pace. His mind only focusing on the exercise he was doing, not Mal, not the crew, or his long gone friends. Just the feeling of being able to release some energy through working out.

However what he didn't know was that he was being watched, from the catwalk, River watched as the muscles seemed to bunch up, and relax, the strain of it causing them to bead with sweat, bouncing as they moved and strained under the shirt he was wearing. For some reason she could look away from the male on the weight bench, something about him had her mesmerized. Something about it, seemed so, masculine, something that was totally Jayne. For that she smiled, and soon left, she had been flying with Mal for the last few years, and she thought he would want to take some time to spend with Inara, so she went to relieve him.

Jayne had never even noticed the audience he had attracted, he was too far into his workout. His eyes focused on the weights over him, as he could even for a moment see Book there, spotting him while he lifted, the same grin on the Sheppard's face which had always been there. Jayne gave a slight smile for a moment or two, before setting the weight's back in it's holder, sitting up on the bench. "Ah hell Book, why it seem ya like hauntin' me?" he whispered to no one in particular, feeling as if Book was nearby him somehow. He didn't expect no answer, so he shook his head, thinking he was going moon-brained, just like the little girl…Little River.

"_Gorramit!_" he cursed as those thoughts entered his head. Why in the hell was that little psycho in his head like that? She was smiling, and seemed to be laughing. He shook his head as he tried to rid his mind of those thoughts, even hearing the Sheppard's voice in his head, talking about the 'Special Hell.' He scowled looking towards the stairs, which would lead that way. He could go talk to that crazy girl, ask her what the hell she was doing putting thoughts in his head like that, it was the only way he could be thinking about her. He scowled and went up the stairs, passing through the galley, and onto the bridge. However as he seemed to get closer and closer, he could hear the sound of a small child laughing, and River's feet as she seemed to lay on the floor. He went forward, and the scene caught him by surprise, causing him to almost gasp.

River was laying there on the floor, with little Henry Washburne, playing with the dinosaurs. He leaned against the door as he watched River make the little boy laugh every time she would make the noises, and was telling him the tale of the Alliance being taken down by the Independence who were riding dinosaurs. A smile settled on Jayne's face as he watched chuckling ever so softly whenever the little Wash would laugh his high pitched giggle. River knew he was there, but didn't say anything as she continued to tell the tale for the toddler, who sat down, playing with the dinos as well. They were having fun, until River looked up at him, "Why don't you play with us Jayne?" she asked softly, with a smile.

Jayne's attention snapped back, and he looked at River, and had been about to say now, until a very small voice came from little Henry, "Pwease will you pway with us Unca Jayne?" he asked. Henry was teething, and still talked like a baby, though it made Jayne smile bigger than he had in a while, "Sure, I'll play with ya." he said walking over to the two on the floor.

Henry came over and plopped himself down in Jayne's lap as Jayne had sat cross legged, and it caught the older male by surprise. However he couldn't deny the little tike was cute, so he let him sit there, reaching for the T-Rex, and making playfully growling noises, his face near Henry, making his jaw vibrate against the child's skin. Henry let out a loud laugh as Jayne's facial hair tickled him, which caused him to squirm around a bit.

River looked at the scene, and smiled softly, she had never thought Jayne would be good with children like that, being able to tune into what they liked, and being able to make them laugh. She sat up a bit and watched as Jayne seemed to play wrestle with Henry, letting him 'win' by letting the toddler pin him. Though soon, Henry was feeling a bit tired, and yawned while he was still sitting on top of Jayne, which caused River to stand, and gently pick him up. Jayne sat up slowly, about to say something until River held a finger to her lips, and slowly left the room, carrying the sleeping baby back to his mother.

Jayne watched River walk down the hall, and started to pick up the toys, putting them back in their places at Wash's old seat, thinking of his good friend, who always had a smile on his face, and a joke ready to go for any moment. He would have been a great father, as he seemed to be a child at heart still, Jayne only acted the way he did, to keep Henry entertained, he never had really spent any time with Zoë's kid though. It made him feel odd to be slightly attached, as he knew nothing about Henry, but just looked at the dinosaurs one last time before leaving the cockpit, shutting the door behind him, he felt doing that, might keep whatever was following him off his back for a bit. He was heading toward his own bunk, when he heard a light voice call out to him, "Jayne?"

River was standing there, looking at him with those eyes of her's like she was reading him and everything on his heart. He scowled, and turned, pushing open his hatch and heading down, not even saying a word to the girl, not needing to explain himself to her. He latched it, making sure she couldn't get in, and turned, laying down on his small bunk, nothing really catching his eyes but the pillow, and something sticking out from under it. It was a small black book, something no one knew he kept. It was Book's old bible, the one River had torn the pages out of. Jayne had taken weeks, making sure it was all together again, and he kept it, reading it when he needed some help, as if the old man would guide him in some way.

However it seemed the good book wasn't being any help to him that night so he put it back under his pillow and looked around his room, it was only the middle of the day though he needed some time to think, maybe he would take this chance to write his Ma, or just take a nap for a while, anything to keep away from the crew.

River stared at the bunk door, feeling the swirling emotions coming from inside, as sat on the bridge, the emotions seemed to be stronger than she could take, it drove her to tears, and that was mostly, because she felt the same way. She missed Book and Wash, and it was her fault they were gone, she was the reason Alliance had come after them, and they went to Miranda, it was her fault, she should of seen it coming, she was a reader after all. He should have been able to stop their deaths, or something. She couldn't even let it out, no one would listen to her, though she thought one person would. And he was in the hatch below her. He missed them just as bad, and he needed closure as well.

She felt the urge to knock on his door, and she found herself walking over to it, and knocking softly.

Jayne looked up from his bunk, "Whatcha want?" he called up, sound his usual cranky self. River took a deep breath, "Can I talk to you?" she asked, hoping like hell he would say yes.

However Jayne looked up, _Why the hell does she wanna talk to me?_ He thought to himself before hitting the button to open the hatch, "Yeah I guess so." he said sitting up on his bunk.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I only own Henry here, the cute little dino lover.

Authors Notes: Woot already to Chapter three, were does the time go? I want tot hank all of those who have taken the time to review my story, or even sit and read it. It means a lot. I actually have no idea how long it is going to be, but I don't want to rush anything. I hope you all enjoy.

* * *

"You take a seat Crazy, I ain't letting' you stand th' whole time." Jayne told her, moving more towards the corner of his bed. He for some reason, was now aware that he had a girl in his bunk, and there were still his pictures on the walls, of the girls he liked. He looked down a bit, and even wondered why the hell he hadn't felt like this before, since he had Book's old bible under his pillow, yet pictures of naked women on his walls. He tried to shift so she wouldn't see some of them, though it seemed pointless, he couldn't cover them all.

River looked at him, noticing what he was trying to hide, and had to suppress a chuckle. She walked slowly over to his bunk, her feet seemed to skate across the cool metal, nothing between them and the ice cold steel. She gracefully sat on his bunk looking at him, something about him seemed…off. Like he wasn't himself.

Jayne in fact was looking at his knees, for some reason unable to meet the young woman's eyes, "Listen, if this is 'bout wha' happened on the bridge, jus' forget it." he said still staring at his knees as if something was going on with them, "I jus' needed to get away from tha' there room, too many memories…" he muttered trailing off a bit.

River looked at him, only catching a glimpse of his eyes. The usually cold eyes, were filled with hurt, and it struck her hard. One of his hands was near her, so she put her own on top of it. "We all miss them." she whispered gently. Her hand squeezed his slightly as she looked up into the blue eyes which held so much pain. She wanted to take some of that pain away from him, but had no idea on how to do so without alarming him.

Jayne looked down at the small hand covering his rough and hardened one, feeling almost as if silk was running over it. He looked up at her, his blue eyes meeting her brown ones, which seemed to mirror his pain, and he then realized something, everyone else was moving on, not living in the past. But not River, and he wasn't moving anywhere down that road. Her long hair seemed to of lost it's usual shiny, and bounce, it just seemed to hang there. He looked away for a moment, before he used his other hand to move some of her hair from her face, and tuck it behind her ear. "Ya we all do lil' girl." he muttered, his hand still absent-mindedly playing with her hair.

She felt the tips of his fingers brushing through her hair, and let out a inaudible sigh, it felt so good. She leaned into it, his body leaning a bit closer to Jayne's until there shoulder's were touching, which caused him to look away for a moment, before giving her a one armed hug. "This all ya wanted to talk 'bout?" he asked her.

River had been about to say something, until she noticed something, the dark color under his pillow. He didn't make a move as she reached under and pulled it from there, and her brown eyes went even wider. "This is his symbol!" she exclaimed with a happy tone as he hands rested on the old battered bible. Her hands turned the warn leather cover, as she noticed something else while flipping through it, the pages were back in place, carefully tapped back in. She looked at Jayne, a wide smile in place, "You fixed it." she said.

Jayne looked away, a slight color on his cheek, it had been something he had been hiding from the rest of the crew, yet she found it and for some reason, he didn't care. "I think of it as kinda like Book, a bit old, and got some dus' clinging on it, but it is still here, and ain't goin' nowhere." he said. His eyes looked at the pages with her, her nimble fingers carefully turning each one.

She smiled, the symbol was whole once again, and turning the pages, made it seem like Book was back with them, and she looked up at the blue-eyed mercenary, the dim light reflecting off of her brown eyes, as she leaned up and kissed him gently, "You did a good job."

Jayne just looked away, he still felt the sting of the betrayal he had done so long ago, back on Ariel, it had been eating away at him as well, even before the Sheppard and Wash passed on, and now was his chance to get everything off of his chest. "Listen girlie," he started, "I know we ain't got along in the pas', hell there been times when we tired at kill each other." He said, looking at her, "But I gotta say, you and ya brother, are part of this here crew, an' I ain't gonna let nuthin' hurt ya _dong ma?_" he finished with a gentle smile.

River however being a reader had been keeping with everyone's wishes and 'stayed out of their heads,' however at that moment it was very tempting to read Jayne. He seemed to be having trouble getting out the words he wanted and needed to say. Looking at him, they seemed to be eating at the mercenary, and it wasn't something River was used to seeing. "Jayne, if you are having trouble speaking it, I can always…" she didn't even finish her sentence, only tapped her fingers to her head.

Jayne shivered, he didn't like that idea, not one bit, and his eyes spoke it, "No, I tol' ya about that, it feels weird." he said.

She sighed, "Alright, then take a moment to think about it, and say what you want to say."

Jayne thought for a moment or two, he could see Ariel flashing before his own mind, and he wanted to kick himself in the ass, it was wrong of him to do so, and he never really apologized for it, so he thought he would started there, however when he opened his mouth to speak, they both heard a voice from the still open hatch.

"Mei Mei? Are you down there? I need to talk to you."

It was Simon. River sighed, he always seemed to have the worse timing when it came to that. She sighed, and looked towards it, "Coming." she said as he went towards the ladder. However before she climbed up it, she looked back to the thirty-two year old mercenary who was sitting on the bed.

He looked at her, and just gave her a nod, and turned away, not wanting to watch her climb out of his bunk, but he couldn't keep her there, he had no right.

* * *

The day had dragged on for what seemed forever, though the worst part was that it was Simon's turn to cook dinner that night, and as usual, it was bad. Or in Jayne's words, 'Smelled like crotch.' River was heading back to her own room, she was looking forward to a night of sleep, and she had to leave the galley, as Jayne had been screaming out in pain s Henry seemed to like to pull at his goatee when he wasn't paying attention to the little Washburne. She was snickering the entire time.

However when she got to her door, she noticed something, there was a white square of paper in the crack, and she pulled it out, before the door opened. She walked inside, and saw that the white paper was indeed a envelope, and that it was written in crude writing, which meant it could only be from one person. Jayne.

She smiled and sat on her bed, opening the envelope, to find a letter to her, and started to read it.

_Dear River,_

_I guess you have noticed that I ain't the best with words comin' from my mouth, let 'lone on paper._

At the first line, she giggled, his writing really was bad, spelling mistakes were everywhere, but she could understand it, and even saw many places were he took something and crossed out words, as if he couldn't even think of what to write.

_But I need to get this off of my ches' before it weighs me down any longer. I just wanna say, I'm sorry. I have done a lot to you and ya brother over the two years you two have be wit' this crew, and Serenity. Tryin' to sell ya to the Feds, and all that. I now know that I was a ruttin' fool to even do that. I guess the money got to my head, I was just a greedy gorram pig. Or am still I guess. All I wanna really say is that I'm sorry, and if I do it again, go ahead and finish th' job you started in th' Maidenhead back before th' Miranda wave, if ya remember wha' that is._

_Signed, Jayne._

_P.S: If ya tell anyone about this letter and me bein' sappy, I will come and ring your lil' neck girlie._

River read the letter again a few more times, a smile on her face as she got to the threat, as she knew he didn't mean it, though he didn't want the others to think he was going soft. She chuckled, slipping it on top of her dresser as she laid down for the night. She was slowly drifting off to sleep until she heard footsteps outside her room. She got up quietly and opened the door, to see Jayne heading towards the cargo bay, a cigar in hand as if he was going to smoke it. River followed closely behind him, her footsteps very light.

Jayne made it to the cool metal of the cargo bay, and stood there, lighting the cigar he had and puffed on it. He was sitting down on the workout bench he had, and staring at the ceiling his eyes seemed to be glazed over, as he was lost in thought, he was thinking about River actually. Had she gotten the letter, and was she going to make fun of him for it? He sighed, taking another deep puff, just happy to get it off of his chest after so long, it had felt like pounds had been shed off of him since then He however was still in a bit of pain, Henry had quite a grip on his goatee, and almost took a chunk with him.

He was wondering if he would approach River about the letter, until he felt a small hand touch his cheek. He turned in shock and saw River standing there, in only a large t-shirt. "Wha' are ya doin' you'll catch your death out here in the cold only in that." he seemed to protest as she stood there, even her poor little feet bare.

River however shook her head, and gently removed the cigar from his mouth, setting it on a nearby crate, and wrapping her arms around his neck, their foreheads touching gently, "You are forgiven, You have been for a while now." she told him with a light giggle. "However your letter was amusing to say the least."

Jayne went a shade whiter, thinking she had told someone, when she really started to laugh, "Silly man, I didn't tell anyone about the letter, after all, the end was very threatening." she said giving him a playful look.

Jayne thought for a moment, and gave a roguish grin, "Oh c'mere you." he said, grabbing her in a tight hug, his hands tickling her sides. River started to laugh and squirm as Jayne tickled her, her legs kicking out, as tears rolled down her cheeks, her face flushed red. "Stop…Stop!" she yelled playfully as he continued to tickle her, her hair had fallen into her face, and she felt a rumbling chuckle from Jayne, it resonating in his chest, causing her to blush slightly. "'Lright girl, I'll stop." he told her, letting his arms fall from around her.

She stood up and face him, giving him a quizzical look, trying to think of something else, though handed him back his cigar. "Though there is one other thing you can do for me Jayne." she said with a smirk.

"And wha' is that?"

"Call me River, it sounds nice when you do." she said, laying a gentle hand on his bicep as she almost seemed to float by him, and back towards the way she had come, and too her room again. It left Jayne breathless, how easy she was easy to move, and he had a dopey grin on his face as he put the cigar back in mouth, taking a puff on it. "I thin' I can do that, River." he said, knowing the Reader was still listening.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing, if I did the show would still be on.

Authors notes: Sorry I haven't updated in a bit, my muse left me for a while, and been having wrist problems. I hope you all enjoy this chapter. And thank you to everyone who has followed this story, and who has reviewed it, you don't know how much it means to me. Hope you all enjoy this chapter. If anyone has any requests as to see anything, go ahead and send me a message. Also may be writing another Rayne fanfiction soon, based on a roleplay.

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"Captain, have you noticed that Jayne is being…well a bit different lately?" Simon asked as he sat in the co-pilots chair, looking out into the black with Mal.

Mal looked over at the doctor, his hands never leaving the helm, "Weird in wha' way Doc? You think somethin' is wrong wit' my Merc?" he asked, thinking something was medically wrong with the wall of muscle named Jayne.

Simon shook his head, "I don't know, he hasn't insult River in a few days now, and it is starting to worry me. Usually by now they have threatened to kill each other." Simon said, his body slumped in the chair he was in, his eyes hard dark circles under them. He had been working around the clock for the past few days, ever since he found out Kaylee was pregnant. And of course the ball on Sunshine which was Kaylee, had told everyone the moment she had found out. However Simon had been doing everything to somehow make the engine room a bit safer, for the baby's sake as well as Kaylee's.

Mal looked at the worn out doctor, and seemed to smirk, it was his own damned fault for knockin' up the mechanic of the ship. He did wonder why the hell Jayne and River weren't trying to tear each other's throats out lately. It wasn't like them, but he didn't really want to jinx it, with the two of them getting along, it might mean that missions would go smoother. That and non-angry gun men on his boat were always a good thing.

However they didn't have much time to enjoy it, as they were heading towards Persephone, Badger had waved, and said he had a small job for them to do, and he that he wanted it done as soon as possible. Mal didn't like being ordered around by the short little man, but they hadn't had a job in a while, and the could use the cash for supplies. They hadn't been too far out when they first got the Wave, and it was during the night cycle, as Mal decided to fly all night to get there on time. At the rate he was going, they should be there by mid morning.

The doctor and the Captain seemed to sit in silence, it wasn't something they tried to break, they had come to a mutual understanding, not always having to break the still of the air with nonsense words. Each man was lost in thought, the black not seeming so cold as the ship purred beneath them. However sounds of laughter seemed to carry from the cargo bay, as it seemed Kaylee and River were playing jacks yet again, anything to keep them busy. River however seemed to keep looking back to Jayne's weight bench, remembering a few nights before. He hadn't approached River for a few days, and it seemed to eat at her. He would just disappear as soon as she entered a room, as soon as she could, and she started to worry that she did something wrong. However she didn't mention it to anyone, however much it seemed to hurt her. She had become more quiet, more withdrawn from everyone. She had been doing so well, and she just tried to stay in her room, though Kaylee had dragged her out that day. "So c'mon River! Tell me wha's eatin' ya!" Kaylee demanded to know. She had been tired of seeing River mope around, "If ya don' tell me, I'll tell Simon 'bout this." she warned her.

However the young Reader stayed silent, her eyes had been darker, and her hair, well lanky, and just seemed to lay there, almost as if she had regressed back to when Simon rescued her from the Academy. River had even been eating less, and it worried Kaylee. "Riv, I don' wanna tell Simon, bu' if ya don' tell me wha's wrong, I will." she assured her.

River didn't even really care. She was broken anyway, that was Jayne had gone back to ignoring her. He had only been pitying her, nothing more. It meant nothing to him, she was just a broken toy he had thrown to the ground. For some reason, it hurt her more thinking like that, than she thought it would.

Kaylee sighed and got up, making sure to be careful, as Simon had been on her ass lately about being careful for the babies sake. She wandered around, trying to see if she could find Simon in the infirmary, but he wasn't there. So she wandered towards the galley, and he wasn't even there, though eternally, she was thankful for that. She walked up towards the cockpit, thinking Mal would know where the Doctor was, and was shocked to see Simon was there with the Captain, that wasn't something she expected. However she walked over to Simon, and placed a hand on his shoulder, "Simon, you might' wanna check on River, she's been actin' odd." she whispered to him.

Simon looked up at Kaylee, worry in his eyes. "Not again…" he muttered as he stood up. He looked at Kaylee, with a gentle smile as he kissed her cheek. "Thank you, why don't you sit up here with the Captain, talk about the new parts Serenity needs." he said with a grin. Kaylee's eyes lit up as she sat down. Mal looked at Simon with a bit of a glare. But said nothing as Kaylee started to ramble on about how Serenity needed some new parts. However the Captain would never say it, right now he would end up ordering them just to keep the mechanic happy. He didn't want the doctor breathing down his neck because 'stress was not good for the baby.'

Simon walked towards the galley, only to see a certain muscle bound mercenary sitting there, cleaning his firearms as usual. Simon watched him for a moment, and then left the room, heading to find his little sister. "River?" he called out as he walked back.

Jayne didn't even look up, even though he could hear the concern in the doctor's voice. He had been avoiding the Reader lately, as he felt…well odd around her. He couldn't explain it even if he wanted to. He didn't like that feeling, he felt venerable, and Jayne Cobb hated that feeling. Not in all his years working in the black, or men who would kill you for just a couple of copper, he never felt that way. Yet lately he had. It scared him to be honest. So he had been avoiding her, leaving the room as soon as possible whenever she had entered it. Most of the time even after leaving the room, he felt dizzy. He had been friendly lately with her, thinking that maybe they had overcome the hatred which used to be there, and would be able to be comfortable at least. However this came up, and all he wanted now was for that feeling to go away.

Hell, some would say he was going soft since he was in his thirties now, though only thirty-two. Mercenaries didn't live long out there, and he was nearing the end of what he considered would be his life span in his work. Though he was pretty sure working for Mal _might_ squeeze out a few more years in that. He had been living this way since he had left home at the age of seventeen, and hadn't gone home since. He had a falling out with his family a long time ago, and truth be told, he really only contacted them to send money back for Mattie's meds, and a little letter stating basically that he was still alive. He knew he should write them a bit more often, maybe wave them, he hadn't seen Mattie since he was just a tike, only a few years older then Henry. However he could never bring himself to do it, the years hadn't been all that good to him mentally. And he didn't want old memories brought up about why he left. His siblings and his parents had been getting along well without him, so he didn't want to mess all that up by contacting them more now.

However before he could think much more, there was a crash towards the cargo bay, and a shout from Simon. Jayne's ears perked up, and as usual, he reached instinctively for a gun, though realized, they were still up in the black, Mal would of known if someone boarded the ship. Maybe the doctor just had something fall on him or something. However he found himself getting up and heading that way to check on him anyway. He could hear everything moving towards the infirmary, and his steps slowed, as he could hear Simon screaming, "_Mei mei_! It's going to help you calm down, please just take it." he said.

The sight through the windows for the infirmary was one to behold. Simon seemed to have a bruise blooming on the side of his face, and he was a wreck, almost as if he had been thrown into a wall. However if River had been having one of her fits again, he thought that it was likely.

"She said no!" River screamed at her brother, as she seemed to keep close to the corner of the room. She had been doing so well, though the crew had still been expecting her to lapse back into things like this. The meds never held out long. Her senses were alert, and her eyes were darting around, as if trying to see what she could use as a weapon if it came to that.

Simon was in shock, his body seemed to be shaking from the pain, and the fact River had not had a fit like this in a long time. However the boot steps near the door, and a sarcastic voice from the door way. "So th' lil' _ta mógui _is at it 'gain?" the crude mercenary asked as he watched the scene with his cold blue eyes. Both River and Simon seemed to freeze.

Simon glared at the taller male, "Well if you are there, why not help me, instead of just watching this you ape." he snarled. He wasn't in the mood for Jayne's usual antics.

However to his shock Jayne did move, "Ya, wha'ever." he said as he went to get River, hold her down so the doctor could inject her with medicine again or whatever he did to calm her down when talking didn't work. However he hadn't expected the boot to the mouth as he got closer. The sheer force of it caused him to fall backwards, hitting his head against the metal of the infirmary floor. The pain flared up, and his mouth filled with blood pretty quickly, as he had bitten his tongue hard. He rolled over for a moment, spitting the copper tasting liquid out of his mouth, as his eyes seemed to ice over.

"Th' fuck!?" he roared as he pushed himself back up to his feet, by this time more of the crew had come down, though Kaylee had been forced to stay up in the cockpit. Mal watched as his hired gun spit out a mouth full of blood, and had been about to step in when River seemed to scream.

"_Ni zhège yúchun de húndàn_!" she yelled glaring at Jayne as he stood there. The words seemed to echo around the room as everyone froze. "You are the reason she is like this!" she yelled as she went to lunge for Jayne again, who was quick enough to avoid it and grabbed her, one of his big hands encircling her wrists, at least restraining her from punching him or anyone else. Everyone's eyes were on the two of them, as River seemed to struggle trying to get her hands free, only Jayne tightened his grip every time she tried.

"Mal! I could us' a bit o' help in here!" Jayne yelled as River seemed to then notice that her feet were free, and was about to start kicking at the one holding her, yet Mal grabbed her, by the legs, and both Jayne and Mal carried her over to the bed in the infirmary, holding her down as she seemed to buck and try to free herself. However Simon darted forward, and strapped her down, to restrain her. Jayne and Mal both let her go, as Simon busied himself with getting the medicine in her. Everyone relaxed as River's thrashing seemed to slow down, and her eyes went blank, the medicine was working at least.

However something still plagued Mal, and he looked at Jayne, "What in the hell is goin' on here?" he asked, as Jayne seemed to try and stop the bleeding from his tongue, "Why is River blamin' you for what happened to her?" he asked, his eyes narrowing a bit.

"How th' hell should I know?" he snapped, his eyes glaring at the Captain, he wasn't in the mood to talk, his tongue was bleeding, and it felt like he had a cracked tooth from that kick. Simon was still fusing over his sister, so he wouldn't get it looked at for a bit, and this was the time Mal decided to question Jayne, not a good idea.

"Well you two were getting' along for a while, wha' happened?" Reynolds pressed, his eyes watching for any reactions. Though he didn't see any which would cause alarm.

"Jus' was that, bein' friendly, nuthin' more." Jayne said as he looked at Mal, his mouth was still bleeding pretty bad, and the pain was there, only Jayne was pushing it back. However that conversation was cut short by the sound of Simon clearing his throat.

"Jayne, sit down on the couch, so I can take a look. You have been spitting up quite a bit of blood." he said motioning towards the sitting room. Jayne listened, if only for a excuse to get away from Mal, that and Simon knew better than that Jayne did anything to River which made her crazy. He sat down heavily as Simon brought out his medical bag. He looked around, noticing the deep cut to Jayne's tongue, and also the cracked tooth. He sighed and gave him a general numbing medicine for that, at least until he got the things for his tooth, and stood up. He peeled off his gloves, though as Jayne went to stand, he placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Can I talk to you a bit first?" he asked.

Jayne looked at Simon, a bit of shock in his eyes as they never really went out of their way to try and talk to each other, but nodded, relaxing back into the couch. Simon sat down next to the older man, watching him from the corner of his eyes. Something caught his eyes which shocked him.

Jayne was watching the infirmary, with something which one would usually call worry, though not for himself. "Tell me sumthin' Doc, why you thin' she got tha' bad?" he asked. He could feel that vulnerable feeling again deep in him, but with the sissified Core-boy next to him, he didn't really care about it.

"Truthfully, I don't know. She hasn't been having nightmares of anything, it could be that her medicine has finally stopped working. Or it could be that she is under some form of stress." Simon said as he was deep in thought. He hadn't expected her to suddenly snap like she had, she had been doing so well, and now she was strapped down in the infirmary. He hated putting needles in his sister, yet if he had to, he would.

Jayne suddenly had a idea on why it happened. They had been spending time together, and then he went and started to ignore her. Had it really upset her that bad? Was River actually right, and he was the cause of her crazy fit this time. He placed his face in his hands, "_Gorammit_." he muttered. He stood up and went into the cargo bay, looking at the weight set, remembering when River had come down there when he had been smoking. How happy she seemed to look, and the feeling of having someone who could understand someone like him. And knowing that he threw that away like a child with a toy which had lost it's shine. Now he really felt like a screw-up. Even more of one than he had been fifteen years ago, when he felt home after a fight with his father, when he decided to quit working in the mine. He had a few scars from then too, though he never talked about it. He had quit school at a young age, since Mattie was sick, just so he could help with the money issues. However it had built up and he exploded at his father, and he had ran off that night, taking the first ship out of there.

Now all he could think of, was his mother's face when him and his father had been shouting, and the fear on his younger siblings faces. He felt horrid, and now with the light throb from his mouth, all he wanted was to be alone with his thoughts. And maybe even try to figure out a way to make up for acting the way he had, but that was still eluding him even as he stayed in the cargo bay, thinking about it way after everyone else had been asleep.

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Translations:

_ta mógui: she devil_

_Ni zhège yúchun de húndàn: You stupid bastard_


End file.
